Bonobos

Dear Brian,

I hate Bonobos.

Life used to be so easy. I had a couple pairs of pants and some shirts, and I went to work. The pants fit okay and the shirts were so-so, but certainly neither were anything to write home about.

I’m an active guy–-used to be a rower, but now a cyclist. Needless to say, my quads and butt never fit into much of anything, so it was always either baggy or pleats-–or both? But that’s just the way it was and I had kind of accepted my lot in life. I didn’t care. Then one day I was messing around on Facebook, and I saw an ad for Bonobos. Of course, I promptly ignored it. I saw it again later and thought, “huh-–better fitting pants?” Yeah, whatever. Third time’s a charm, though, and so the third time I saw the ad I clicked away and got whisked off to your site.

Hook, line, and sinker–-I devoured the website just praying that all the marketing might be true. $190 seemed like a lot, but if they really fit well, then maybe, just maybe…. So I ordered a pair of snapdragons 1 with the funky liner in 34/35/36 as a test. I was pretty sure I’d be a 35, and that’s just how it turned out. The fabric was so amazing-–so soft and comfortable-–but I wasn’t completely sold until I got them hemmed. They fit like a glove. Slimming from the waist and nothing goofy at the ankles. I can’t tell you how odd it felt to wear pants that just fit so damn well! At that point I had no choice but to start buying as many of your pants as possible for fear that I would awaken one morning and find the website gone. Plus, I needed some pants….

But then a funny thing happened–-I started ‘caring’ about fashion. Once I started buying your great fitting pants, my upper body started feeling neglected. Puffy-ish ill-fitting shirts no longer-–I had to get some trim fit shirts (never had a massive upper body-–especially with cycling these days) to complete the feeling. All of a sudden things were getting complicated-–now I actually cared about looking sharp at work. When I first started buying your pants a little over a month ago, there were only a couple of belts on your site, and they weren’t in my size anyway. But now the elusive belt that I saw advertised with the jackson brownes is here. And the belt shown on the clean slates! Damn you. Why do they have to look so cool? And why do I have to buy them immediately?

But to top the whole thing off, the strangest thing happened to me when I started wearing your pants and some complementary shirts. There was a newfound swagger in my step and just a different kind of confidence. I’ve always been pretty good at my job-–satellite communications engineering-–but now I felt a little je ne sais quoi. I honestly never saw that one coming, but it’s truly the best benefit of all. I’d say it’s pretty obvious that I’ve been spoiled by your pants. I went out to try to buy a suit the other day, and I tried a couple on. The jackets felt nice, but-–wouldn’t you know it-–the pants were a letdown every time! Not the same in the posterior. Not the same at the ankles. What a bummer. What to do?

Is there a Bonobos Anonymous nationwide society? I may need to join–-I think I’m addicted.

Cheers,

Jeremy M.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Being a great writer, snazzy dresser, and spirited supporter of Bonobos would have been more than enough for Jeremy to become one of the team’s favorite customers ever. Then we noticed his shipping address. This dude lives on Bacon Street. Now we not only love Jeremy, we envy him. And we’re FedExing a Bonobos t-shirt on the house to Bacon Street, pronto.

Our namesake, the endangered bonobo, is in real peril. The African Wildlife Fund (AWF) is working hard to preserve bonobos’ dwindling habitat in the war-torn Democratic Republic of Congo.

According to the AWF, bonobos “are very animated and perform similar gestures as humans when communicating without sound. For example, they will beg by stretching out an open hand or foot and will make a whimpering sound if they fail at something.”

Moreover, bonobos have been observed walking bipedally (upright) and communicating non-verbally with facial expressions, much like humans do.

And there may be fewer than 100,000 left on the planet.

One of our customers, Ernie Thayer, recently sent a few pairs of trousers back to us to exchange (for the crimson rugggers, khakis, orange crush, and turqs–an extraordinary palette) and included a postcard championing the AWF and its work on behalf of bonobos.

Ultimately, the AWF is hopeful: “[Bonobos] spend much of their time in the tall, dense tropical forest canopy, gracefully maneuvering though the trees searching for food. This area is fragmented, and it seems as if bonobos can survive in close proximity to human communities that are willing to co-habitate with this peaceful ape.”

Being first is fun, but being last can be legendary (if you’re a samurai, a Mohican, or a starfighter).

Enter Adam Devine and his shamdaisies. Adam snagged the last pair before the shammies entered retirement and he makes them look good (the yacht helps). He’s pals with our CEO, Andy Dunn–who describes Adam with the following pointed adjectives: single and dangerous.

(Did you notice the tail of a navy with white stripes belt coolly accenting this sweet maritime look? Nice touch, Adam. Hmm, I wonder if Bonobos is launching a killer new suite of Italian silk belts anytime soon….)

So what does it mean, exactly, when we retire a style? I’m glad you asked, as this has been a much-discussed topic lately.

For the most part, we’re unable to simply make more pairs of our most popular styles. We obtain our fabric from elite sources in Europe, and often we can only acquire a limited amount of a given fabric. In those situations, we make as many pants as we possibly can with the fabric we have, and when they’re gone, they’re gone forever. However, we are aware of what people want. The success of our khakis has taught us that men demand a comfortable, flattering beige trouser that they can wear to work just as easily as to the bar after work. Even though we are entirely sold out of this style, there is a successor on the horizon–a khakis 2.0, you might say. The same has been true for our congos and mint juleps (whose resurrection has been received with unprecedented exuberance).

See, just because a style is listed as “retired” does not necessarily mean that it’s 100% absolutely positively gone forever, living in Florida off its 401(k) with a trio of sassy post-menopausal gal pals. It simply means that quantities are low, and we won’t be making more anytime soon. Sometimes there are still a handful left on the shelves available for purchase, so peruse the retired style page closely! Never know when you might snag the very last available pair in the free world.

Des Moines may just be the apex of the Bonobos universe.

See, there’s a lot more to the Iowan jewel than French etymology and the Barnstormers. Every four years it hosts the nation’s most consistently and hotly anticipated caucus (and Bonobos is currently holding our own presidential caucus of sorts, with our obamas and mccains). It’s home to the Great Ape Trust, which houses–I kid you not–a colony of eight bonobos.

And, last but not least, it’s the place our Director of Operations Adam Sidney used to call home. It was only natural, then, when we sent our first pair of trousers there a few weeks ago (the jackson brownes), that they’d be welcomed as a harmonious addition to that underrated, kick-ass American city:

Lulled by memories of Roosevelt High and Sec Taylor stadium, Adam replied:

Ben,

Wow, what a great letter to receive. Thanks for taking the time this morning to write and share your thoughts on Bonobos. We definitely plan on being around for a long time.

I’m happy to report that business is great despite the challenging economy, and our customers and investors have helped position us for long-term success. We look forward to serving up awesome trousers, shorts, and belts (and soon dress shirts) for as long as people will buy them. We look forward to doing whatever it takes to keep you as a satisfied customer.

When I saw your order heading to Des Moines, I had to flag it so I could write you a note, myself being a native Des Moinesan. You got the first pair in the Capitol, congrats! Our e-commerce business model means that we can reach trendsetters not only in New York but also Des Moines. Thanks for spreading the word in a city that is a lot cooler than anyone gives it credit for! Thanks again!

Des Moines trunk show? It could happen.

A large percentage of our Band of Brothers works in public education, ensuring a brighter future for our country and its youth. Landon Anderson works on behalf of a struggling subset of public schoolers: those for whom English is a foreign language.

My job is to teach English as a second language in a small-town high school in Tennessee. I never planned on teaching, but after earning a degree in Spanish… I found a grant and moved to Spain. The grant was to work as an English teaching assistant in a high school, and since it was the only way I was going to get to Spain, I figured I could suffer through it for one year. However, I discovered that I like teaching, and decided to do it full time after I got back to the States.

I love my job, and I love helping the students that no one else wants to help, but I’ve discovered that there are few opportunities in our school and work system for immigrants, which leads them to drop out instead of pursuing higher education. It’s an uphill battle… university is pretty much out of the question because of visa laws and the fact that it is almost impossible to get citizenship here….

I’m currently a grad student at Vanderbilt University, working toward a degree in international education policy so that I can open up more doors for them within the school and work systems. However, in order to be taken seriously and compete in the world of policy—and in the world of teenagers—you have to dress to impress and keep up a professional appearance. This led me to Bonobos. Europe is the only place that I’ve been able to find pants that actually fit, so needless to say I’ve searched high and low for alternatives to the major brands here…. I can’t wait to try out my first pair!

And we can’t wait to ship them to you! This one’s a no-brainer. Landon spent some time in Spain, our corduroy is sourced from a Spanish mill, so I’m thinking Señor Anderson needs a nice pair of cords. Our spider fighters and other pinwaled corduroy would work great in balmy Tennessee, but as winter approaches, nothing beats the softness and comfort of the midweight shoguns or capertons. We’ll let Landon fingure out what suits him best–we’re just glad to have him on board.

Whether we’re globetrotting to source the world’s most exquisite fabrics or road-tripping it to Boston for a trunk show, we’ll go to whatever lengths necessary to get our customers the trousers they crave. (It only occasionally comes down to an Indiana-Jones-outrunning-a-giant-spherical-boulder kind of situation.)

In this case, we were able to track down a rogue pair of the brothers grinn:

The moral of the story: when you’re doing business with Bonobos, never hesitate to let us know what you need.

Now is probably a good time to mention that our awesomely popular brothers grinn are not down for the count, not by a long shot. We have been able to acquire more of that chocolate brown organic cotton, so look for us to replenish our inventory soon!

You’re familiar with the ecological consequences of Phragmites, right?

Me neither.

Good thing there are guys like Ted Turluck out there, working on a problem that so few people are aware of:

Phragmites invades coastal wetlands and displaces the native flora upon which the native fauna feed and use as habitat…. Remember the “Leave the gun, take the cannoli” scene in the Godfather? That tall grass in the background is Phragmites. That should give you an idea of how thick it gets. Ducks, geese, shorebirds, and other migratory waterfowl need the wetlands this grass degrades on their annual migration route. Plus, wetlands provide habitat for a large number of herpetofauna, amphibians, and plant species. Any information about Phragmites will aid land managers in its control and prevention, maintaining the biodiversity and quality of habitat.

As an undergraduate, I decided to study biology/environmental science because I thought that doing social work, counseling, etc. would be very good for society, but first we need a healthy planet to live on. What good is it to be free of one’s former drug habit if one then has to drink polluted water and breathe polluted air? A healthy environment is the foundation to a healthy society. Since graduation I’ve worked with endangered/threatened species at the biological technician level. I’ve worked with the Ash Meadows Amargosa Pupfish in Southern Nevada and the Mottled Duck on the Upper Texas Coast…. I will have a bigger impact on conservation once I earn my Ph.D. and am able to conduct my own research. I’d like to work with The Nature Conservancy or some other NGO with an environmental orientation.

I’m a smart guy. I could have gone into business and lived in a house in the suburbs with my skinny blonde wife and our two Chihuahuas, one short-haired, the other long. I could be making $100,000 a year now. But when I’m laying on my deathbed, I’ll be happy I devoted my life to improving the world. And maybe I’ll be wearing some really awesome pants…. Pants from big department stores are always too long or don’t make my butt look like a butt. That’s why I’m interested in your pants. And your company seems eco-friendly, the kind of company I try to patronize as much as possible.

Probably goes without saying, but we hope Ted uses his new Band of Brothers discount to score himself some congos. Good for trekking out into the urban jungle or the actual freaking wilderness. And if we ever decide to make hip-waders (we use a lot of unique fabrics; laminated neoprene may just be a logical next step), I can’t imagine we’d christen them anything other than the Turlucks!

We’re keeping mum about our political affiliations here at Bonobos–government is serious business, after all, and pants are just plain fun.

By which I mean to say: We had nothing to do with the obamas selling like hotcakes and the mccains selling like tepidcakes. That was all you. Before long the trouser ninjas, who at times have triumphed “Gobama!” were singing a different tune: Nobama! Bonobos giveth and Bonobos taketh away. Or selleth out, as the case may be. And so we feared those bold trousers would part ways with their meteoric namesake and settle into Dukakis-esque obscurity.

We’ve had a change of heart. Specifically, a change of liner. Like the First and Second Continental Congresses–crucial, short-lived, but legendary–that sweet mosaic is no more, but a worthy successor has risen to fill its place. We re-imagined that gorgeous twill trouser in presidential navy with a new liner we call the Hawaiian bandanna. Ocean blue, coconut brown, and sunset rink (that’s red + pink). It’s also a little nod to the state of Barack’s birth.

Even the label sewn inside will tell you: “Born in Hawaii 1961.”

All right, before you write us off as a bunch of granola-munching tepee-dwellers, know that whatever our political proclivities, we definitely acknowledge that the issues America faces are rarely black and white (or blue and red); there are many, many shades of gray (…and purple). It’s fitting, then, as we prepare to reintroduce the obamas and the mccains, that we also launch the clean slates, whose super-soft organic twill belies its battleship gray.

Our arsenal of twill grows stronger. Yours should, too.

There is no greater thrill in life than receiving a package in the mail. Neuroscientists have proven this to be true (something about endorphins, or dolphins… we weren’t listening), and the great Polish anthropologist Bronisław Malinowski confirmed it with his own decades-long study of the Trobriand Islanders. You can look it up! (Please don’t, actually.)

But we know how it goes - as you grow older, your enthusiasm for mail call wanes. The thrill disappears. Why? Because that refrigerator-sized crate sitting at your doorstep most likely contains the refrigerator you ordered, and not the Svedka sexbot you had written away for on a Maraschino-stained cocktail napkin. That’s why it’s been part of the Bonobos mission since Day One to pump some much needed FedExcitement back into the lives of our customers. And now we’re happy to announce that after an exhaustive search, we’ve found the perfect package to do justice to our beloved pants. Let’s see that big, toothy grin of yours for the new, blue Bonobox.

Okay, so it’s taken us a full year to get our act together on the packaging front. But we’ll be honest - we took our time with your mother (and ours) in mind. Mother Nature - we care about her. And we know the bad rep retail gets for irresponsible use of packaging material and profligate waste. That’s why we offer you the 100% recyclable Bonobox, with the hope that you will find a creative way to reuse it. Store your knick-knacks, or your embarrassing VHS collection (Look Who’s Talking Too? Really?). Or at the very least, use your Bonobox when packaging your returns.

There’s no better time to order those no scrubs you’ve had your eye on, now that you know they’ll be arriving in this handsome box. Turqs aren’t a bad choice either; they really bring out that blue. Come to think of it, all our trousers look positively stunning in their patterned cardboard cozies. This box is tops.

A shout-out is in order to Vanessa at sidedesigns.com, who was instrumental in this process. They’re the folks responsible for customizing the size and design of the Bonobox for our needs, much as we strive to customize the fit of our pants for you. As you can see, they did a bang-up job of it. Thanks Vanessa!

This man needs a pair of black flags.

When he’s not plundering doubloons, whittling peg legs, or teaching parrots to sing sea shanties, Chris Balmer teaches pre-school in the Spring Lake Park School District in Minnesota. He also mentors at the school district’s teen center, using theater to foster the kids’ creativity while delivering anti-drug, nonviolence, and diversity tolerance messages. Once he completes a Master’s degree in public policy he’ll pursue a career in law enforcement. (Though we suspect he’s missed his calling as a swashbuckler.)

Thanks for your support and for all you do for the youth of Spring Lake Park, Chris!